That blinding moment as I pass the window, when I realise that I may be upright, busy & keeping my breakfast down, but that yesterday’s migraine that had me whimpering & sobbing in pain has not yet left me. Needless to say, the day was another right off (except for my Sunday School class which the Lord always allows me to teach pain free regardless).
The next day I am quite keen to get on with thing, having lost 2 whole days already.
I confidently stride into the mall to buy groceries, a little miffed at myself for taking so long to get ready, but prepared to forgive myself & make up the time. Upon the third strange glance I realise I’m still wearing my sunglasses so I nonchalantly take them off (after all, I was more or less fine back home…). I gasp & quickly scrabbly to get them back on before my legs in agony like when I tried to walk to hospital while crowning with my first child. Once I feel the coolth envelope my eyes, I let go of the glasses & reach up for the edge of the nearest trolley before I hit the floor. Whoa, lets not try that one again!
What do these have in common, why put them together? Hopefully that will become amusingly clear later on. Certainly I think so; but my humor can sometimes be a little odd.
I don’t like using that popular rectangular babysitter that beams things through the air to human brains. I make a few reluctant exceptions are 20-30 min on a Saturday morning, which is the only morning when hubby & I can stay in bed a little & we don’t always want to share it with the kids (so lets just say thats for our marriage), and when the kids or I are sick and I need them to stay put and keep quiet (not characteristics I normally consider healthy in kids). Continue reading
Today’s prompt was to write with my dream reader in mind. No offense, but I write THIS blog mostly just to write (my design blogs have very specific readers in mind), but there are two very special people I hope will read these posts one day, especially if something happens to me.
This post is focused on two beautiful, mischievous girls at the very beginning of their reading lessons.
You are as different from each-other as can be, yet I could not possibly love either of you more. You have taught me more about myself than anything before your conception! You have shown me God’s blessings and miracles, but also my complete and utter weakness & dependence upon Him day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute (sometimes second by second). You complete me in a way I never knew I needed, because I never knew I was so utterly broken.
I remember when the neuro’s nurse took my history: she asked how bad my migraines get & if they are really worth treating. I pointed out that I had ranked unmedicated childbirth as an 8/10 while crowning, (& had done so twice) with my migraines as a 10/10, but that my migraines were now getting worse. She went white & started scribbling frantically. I think my point was made.
Now I get the occasional mild migraine every few months. I think I may be getting soft. I certainly don’t want to attempt unmedicated childbirth again!
Here’s how I got here…
The girls helped me make these, though technically they’re from the school prayer group.
(I’m in charge of the gifting this year & its just easier to make the 8 + 2 on my own with they girls & save the work groups for larger projects, like the booklets for the school kids.)
We used thin double sided tape to stick mini Lindt easter eggs to the back of each.
For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in him
should not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send his Son into the world
to condemn the world,
but in order that the world
might be saved through him.
John 3:16&17 (ESV)
My girls & I have made these for my Good Friday Sunday school class. Hopefully the class will be sticking them into home made mini oat bran cup cakes iced with their choice of chocolate (mud) or green (grass) icing.
Hopefully these treats will help to focus some of the Easter hype away from bunnies & eggs; & back towards the cross, & Christ where it should be.
The Old Rugged Cross
George Bennard, 1913
On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.
Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.
In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.
To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.
When the people you love sacrificially reject you or brush you to the sidelines, the pain cuts deep into your soul. Sometimes it feels like nothing is worth doing. The pain is so strong that no other feeling can be felt. Sometimes even the pain can’t really be felt because you’re numb in self defense. All beauty is drowned in the scarlet brood of the seeping wound. The tears wash the blood away slightly, diluting it enough to see the world in a distorted wash of colour; the light blinding as it is magnified by the droplets. But this cleansing can be all to temporary. The scarlet crowds in & then crusts over into the gloom.
If even those we sacrifice ourselves for will hurt us like this, then what hope is there? Why bother? What Hope?!