When the people you love sacrificially reject you or brush you to the sidelines, the pain cuts deep into your soul. Sometimes it feels like nothing is worth doing. The pain is so strong that no other feeling can be felt. Sometimes even the pain can’t really be felt because you’re numb in self defense. All beauty is drowned in the scarlet brood of the seeping wound. The tears wash the blood away slightly, diluting it enough to see the world in a distorted wash of colour; the light blinding as it is magnified by the droplets. But this cleansing can be all to temporary. The scarlet crowds in & then crusts over into the gloom.
If even those we sacrifice ourselves for will hurt us like this, then what hope is there? Why bother? What Hope?!
I lift up my eyes. Who will help me in this time of darkness? Who has known such darkness & overcome it? I do not even want to speak the words that hurt, but there is one who knows my mind. He knows my pain. He bore worse Himself. And He love me more than I can ever love those who have hurt me.
He was pierced for My sins. My stubborn wrongdoings & willful self-reliance is what caused Christ to be crucified. He allowed them to go through with it so that I could be free. His love and sacrifice for me is greater than anything I could experience for others. The pain he bore for me, put my pain in perspective. He forgave me. What could possibly be beyond my forgiveness when I allow myself to remember that.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
Isaiah 53:5-6 (ESV)
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned-every one-to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.